50 Points Concerning Izaya
by Threesmallcrows
Summary: Oneshot. The character of Orihara Izaya, shown through 50 points of interest.


Point 1: You will like everything Izaya chooses to do.

Point 2: Izaya is absolutely sure he's going to commit suicide.

Point 3: This is the only certainty in Izaya's life.

Point 4: Who else could kill him? Aging's not an option. Middle aged is not a label that can stick to Izaya. Izaya will fucking burn his own skin off before that happens—and smile doing it.

Point 5: Izaya has never not had good hair.

Point 6: There are people born without legs, without arms, with extra heads or two bodies. These we call crippled. Izaya was born without the ability to love. Maybe that's why he's so pretty—compensation.

Point 7: Just to clarify, Izaya does not by any means think of himself as crippled.

Point 8: This is because Izaya thinks he has the ability to love.

Point 9: Izaya's aware that the reason why people are so drawn to him is that he's absolutely sure of himself.

Point 10: The only other person Izaya knows who has this quality is Shizuo.

* * *

><p>Point 11: Coyotes wouldn't steal from Izaya.<p>

Point 12: Izaya has never been to a wedding, or a funeral.

Point 13: There is nothing you can do to Izaya that he has not already done to himself.

Point 14: Izaya doesn't remember who he lost his virginity to.

Point 15: Izaya is the lightning. Meaning, his mind dances so fast he can rip and burn the air apart along the jagged white seam of himself while the atmosphere rumbles in disbelief. Meaning if he hits you once there's not a whole hell lot of a chance you're going to survive, and if you do you can bet he's coming back to get you again. Meaning if you're stuck on the top of a tall pole in a wide field and you see it (him) coming you'd better just stick your ass up in the air, because then it'll (he'll) at least nail you through the ass and down your legs and miss your heart, because you know if Izaya gets to your heart you're never going to see the day of light again. Meaning, he will tear you apart. And you will like it.

Point 16: Izaya finds babies repulsive.

Point 17: Izaya hasn't done it yet, but it's on his list: make suicide with a smile.

Point 18: Line two mirrors up across from each other. Look in. See that? That's Izaya's mind.

Point 19: Izaya does not mind admitting that he finds himself attractive.

Point 20: Izaya does not drink.

* * *

><p>Point 21: Izaya is confident that he can survive anything and anywhere. That being said, the first time he left the big city, he became physically ill.<p>

Point 22: Izaya is invulnerable because he does not try to hide anything about himself.

Point 23: Sexuality is Izaya's tool.

Point 24: Izaya has felt fear before.

Point 25: Izaya does check himself out in mirrors, sometimes.

Point 26: When Izaya had just started school, a girl called him a monster (never mind the reason). Unbeknownst to her, he adopted this label the way other kids adopted broken-winged birds and broken-legged puppies. He clutched the label close to his heart, held it close to his soul. Later, it morphed into the word God.

Point 27: Rich men get their labels engraved on their belongings. Gangsters get them engraved on their bodies. Izaya's another level up: he has his engraved in his mind.

Point 28: Izaya loves fanfiction writers too, and yes, he has seen the nasty shit you all write. Izaya would like to know you looked particularly turned on, masturbating the other night in front of the computer screen while his own face stared back at him, smiling. Izaya smiled back.

Point 29: Izaya doesn't consider _that _part of himself dark. He doesn't believe in subdividing, compartmentalizing, himself.

Point 30: Izaya has scrubbed blood off his teeth at four in the morning.

* * *

><p>Point 31: Izaya has a pretty clean mouth. It's not like an effort, or anything; he just does.<p>

Point 32: Izaya has never promised anything—at least, and meant it.

Point 33: No, that's not completely true. He's promised to himself that if it looks like Shizuo wants to surrender to the mediocrity of aging Izaya will finally make the actual effort and kill him himself.

Point 34: Izaya knows that he could kill Shizuo if he really wanted to.

Point 35: A hate flutters sharp in his throat when Izaya thinks about school. He doesn't know why. He just hates the whole idea of school.

Point 36: Izaya gets a fucking kick out of pretending to be a girl.

Point 37: He knows you do too.

Point 38: Izaya reads a good deal. This is not because he wants to be educated. This is because he is amused by other's opinions. He knows his own will never be swayed.

Point 39: When Izaya was little, he fried ants with a magnifying glass too. Unlike most children, however, over the years he's moved up.

Point 40: Izaya does not have crises of self. He makes a point of laughing when other people do.

* * *

><p>Point 41: Izaya dreams rarely.<p>

Point 42: Izaya has scared himself with the shit he thinks up. Multiple times.

Point 43: Izaya doesn't get much pleasure from sex.

Point 44: On the other hand, Izaya can and does bring the term mind-fuck to new heights—or new depths, depending on your outlook.

Point 45: People are scared of what they cannot understand. People have always been scared of Izaya.

Point 46: Izaya never followed the crowd. The few people who are like this tend to find themselves trendsetters. No one, however, has dared to follow Izaya far.

Point 47: Izaya knows he's going to Heaven. Oddly, he also doesn't believe in Heaven.

Point 48: Ninety percent of people bore Izaya to tears.

Point 49: He's amused when a lot of people think they're in the remaining ten.

Point 50: Izaya truly doesn't consider himself human. No one's ever tried to tell him otherwise.

* * *

><p>Point 51: Izaya has never felt alone. Never. Really. And yes, he does know what a sociopath is, by now. You think he hasn't been called that enough times?<p>

* * *

><p>AN: Point 13 derives from the lyrics of the MSI song <em>Never Wanted to Dance<em>. Also, when I was writing this, I had the wiki page of Izaya up. I clicked on it at some point and there was an ad involving sausage grilling on the side. This brought up rather unpleasant thoughts. :]


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